Moving forward?

Sort of.  This process, and we’re not even in the thick of it folks, is not easy.  What was easy was the decision to have another child join our family.  The decision to adopt was made years ago.  The decision to adopt NOW was made over the last six months in inches, an inevitable progression to this decision.  

I’d like to share a quote B and I used in our wedding guest book. W.H. Murray wrote this:

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back – Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too.  All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A while stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed wound have come his way.  Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.”

We are committed.  We feel it in our bones and we walk around noticing things we did not before, have conversations we did not before.  I am planning WAY ahead (I know, big surprise, right?) and very much putting the cart before the horse sometimes.

What is that final act of commitment? What is that last thing we need to do before the chase really starts? We need to commit financially.  

Can I just have a moment to admit I have a little bit of rage inside of me that it takes so much money to adopt?  That a little irrational piece of my mind thinks it is so freaking unfair that we will struggle with the finances to make this happen for us and our future child .  There I have said it.  Maybe that will be the last time I say it in this blog- maybe I can let it go.

I could detail our finances, our bills and my school debt and our mortgage, my income and B’s search for employment outside our home.  I could drag all that in here- but I don’t think it is really fair or relevant.  And honestly we make everything happen we need to each month and that is so blessed compared too many.  I do not want to complain about our situation- we are just fine.  I just wish, as I am sure many people on the adoption path (or other goals that require large amounts of money) that I had it ALL NOW and I wasn’t worried.

It looks like this is the month folks.  We’re about to send in our first check and start the paper chase as long as no emergency happens this month. I’ll tell you when we do.  Before I had some if-thens in the process.  If we had x amount in savings then, when B found a job then.  We’ve tossed all those hesitancies.  As long as we can meet our obligations we will keep moving forward.

B and I have been talking about, well a lot of things, and we are not going to be sharing the costs of this process in a public forum.  Suffice it to say it is a large amount for us.  We feel that putting a number on it implies a price tag on our future child and that to share that would be implying worth.  That just is not true and if our child ever reads this blog we never want there to be any doubt that his or her worth has NOTHING to do with money.   So please forgive us for being vague.

We are hoping and praying that Providence and hard work with start moving with this act of commitment.  So yeah, I guess we are moving forward.

~M