Two PERFECT feet

We are not being taken for a ride folks.

Adoption is risky. All types of adoptions are risky; it seems lately that adoption from the DRC (which has always BEEN risky) is like standing on shifting sands of risk….

That does not mean that we are being taken for a ride.  Our agency African Adoption Services http://www.africaadoptions.org (formerly DRC Adoption Services) is run by phenomenal people who are ethical and working as hard as they can to ensure ethical adoptions. They are trying to keep our processing times down as short as they can within the requirements of both the US and DRC, but they have to work in the system.

I cannot discuss details –which I understand is very frustrating (it is frustrating to me too!!!) – because sharing those details could put our case and a multitude of other cases as risk.  So I can’t tell you about the little details that our agency knows that may help us in our process to adopt Z, or about the families in process right now ahead of us who are working through the morass of the changes to the DRC process.

I can tell you that DRC was and still is (at the moment) on of the fastest countries for international adoptions.  Adopting from Ethiopia would be a 2-3 year time frame, China likely longer than that.   We are still looking at 18 months-ish from start to finish. 

Last year our estimate was 6-9 months from referral to home, this year it is 9-12 months from referral to home.  Honestly it is looking like we should anticipate being at the longer end of our estimate and then we can just rejoice if it is any shorter. 

Yes, it SUCKS that Z will be cared for by others in one of the poorest countries of the world for 9-12 months after we said “Yes!” we want to adopt this child!  However we knew going in that things can change in the adoption process. We are not willing to try and push harder than the process right now allows- that is one of the things that leads to corruption and we will not be a part of adoption corruption.

So if you see on the blog that timelines have changed, if you speak to us and hear us complain about extended time frames or new procedures please know we are not being taken for a ride.  No one is cheating us out of a child and our money.  This is a messy process, a long process, and a changing process.

Things can still go wrong with Z’s case, and it would not be our Agency’s fault it would be that the court process or investigation process found that legally Z is not adoptable. Things can change more and it could take more than 12 months to get Z home.  None of that means we did anything wrong, our agency or agency’s in country staff did anything wrong.  It means that adoption is risky.

~M

Waiting......... waiting......... waiting

There is a lot of waiting in adoption, a long lengths of time where there is nothing you can do.  When I was pregnant with Charlie there were periods where I was waiting as well, but with pregnancy at least your daily actions have a bearing on your baby.  When I was pregnant with Charlie I took my vitamins everyday, tried to exercise, stopped drinking coffee and alcohol.  I made everyday little efforts for my child.  In adoption there are points where there is NOTHING you can do.  We are at one of those points.

Right now we are waiting :-(

All the while Z is growing.  Everyday Z grows and grows, across the world our child is growing and developing without us.  We know one amazing lady is caring for Z right now.  We even know her name and have seen one picture of her.  From what other adoptive parents have said she is an amazing woman who cares for the child in her care just like her own.  I am so very grateful Z is with this woman and not languishing in an overcrowded orphanage with too little love and too little food.  It makes me hopefully that Z won’t be too far behind developmentally when Z finally comes home.  Did you know that for every 3 months a child is in institutional care they fall behind 1 month developmentally?  Hopefully the love and attention Z is getting right now will help stave that off even though Z isn’t with us, with family.

So around here we live our lives much the same as we always have.  We get up, go to work, drink my coffee and alcohol, and I don’t remember to take my vitamins more days than not.  It is too early, to fragile to tell C about his sibling, if something went wrong we couldn’t explain it to him so he doesn’t even know.  It is too early and to fragile to start decorating a room or buying clothes.  We can’t even begin to predict what size clothing Z will be in upon arrival! It is to early and to delicate to post pictures, even ones with blurred out faces.

Just about the only think I can do and convince myself is for this paper pregnancy with Z is try to train for this run in October.  Even that has been stifled this week – all three of us have a pretty bad chest cold.

So for now we wait, and wait some more.   Nothing we can do can get Z home sooner.

~M