Forms, forms and more forms

Today was my day off and so I sat down this morning all bright eyed and bushy tailed ready to fill out all my paperwork.  I planned on finishing the background check paper work and thought I could probably move onto other home study paperwork as well.  K recommends we do the background check documents first as they can take longest to come back (6-8 weeks).  Everything else can be done at our pace and we would love to have our home study done in 6-8 weeks!!!

Boy was I wrong.

My head is spinning.  I have four states to get background checks from and B has three.  At least I think we do.  Two of the states were relatively easy with three forms and very little to confuse a person.   The other two states have forms with little itty-bitty lines and ask for a lot of the same information in different formats.  Between those two states we’re required to list every residence we’ve each had since 1974 (we we’re born yet) in consecutive order making sure there are no missed dates and every person we’ve ever lived with.   Yes I am sure that is what the form asks for, every person we have ever resided with.   Oh by the way- I have to list full names and cannot use middle initials.  I’m not making this up folks.

So I spent the better part of an hour figuring out how to get the full names, and ages of all of B and my college dorm mates as well as the people I lived with in Ireland.   Phone calls made and emails sent I started filling in forms.     Our home study provider emailed me PDFs.  My handwriting is horrendous, and I cannot spell.  I had to toss out multiple sheets….. Then I got smart and tried to find the documents online.  I found both of the documents in formats I can type in.  YAY! But only after wasting time and paper.

This evening I chatted with another DRC mama.  During our conversation it came up that I might not even need a background check from one of these states!!!!  I only went to college there.  I never had a driver license, paid taxes, worked or lived outside the dorms.   So after all the struggling sat down and emailed K all of my questions, including clarification on which states I really need to do the paperwork for.

I know this is just the beginning.  There are hundreds more forms in front of me.  Today taught me something though.  I need to get organized.  Tomorrow I’m making a binder and a checklist.  And I am finishing those freaking background check forms!!!!

~M

Next steps

We met with K, a home study provider, yesterday morning.   It was just an informational meeting, and it went pretty darn well.

For those who don’t know, a home study is the state’s evaluation of if you can adopt (you also have to do one if you want to foster).  So our state has to say “Yep- those people will make ok parents and they have an ok house. We’re fine with them adopting.”  It involves a LOT of paperwork.  Background checks from every state we have lived in since we were 18, multiple references, previous taxes, birth certificates, marriage certificates, bank statements, letters of employments, we both have to write a life store, medical exams and forms for all of us and a metric ton of forms.   Then we sit down with the home study provider and answer a lot of personal questions, as well as ones that explore our mental preparedness for international adoption.  Somewhere in there the home study provider also comes to our house and does a home safety check.

The whole thing feels very judgy to me.  I do understand that the government wants to make sure that adoptive parents are not child abusers, and that they are prepared to adopt.  It is in everyone’s best interest for adoptions to be final and to minimize disruptions.  So don’t get me wrong, I think home studies are necessary.  I just don’t like feeling like I’m being scrutinized.

So we met with K yesterday morning.  She was very nice, professional, informative and calming.   We will be using her for our home study, which should take 6-8 weeks from when we sign up and start.

One of the things we loved about K was her LACK of judgyness.  I’ve been contacting a lot of home study providers over the past 6 weeks or so.  I’ve gotten varied responses to my inquiries.   Some have just not returned my contact email or call.  Some think we are very young to adopt, others have really been discouraging about international adoption and have tried to guide us to change our minds and go foster adopt or domestic infant.  And a few were just exorbitantly expensive, as in almost double the going rate.

K is totally comfortable with our ages and our decision to adopt from DRC.  She views her job as making sure we are prepared for the possibilities and to make sure we have evaluated our options and the possibilities.   That attitude was so refreshing.   So all in all yesterday was great!  And we’ve made one more baby step forward.

~M

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. ~Lao-tzu

We have begun!  Tonight we filled out the first forms, signed our contract with our facilitator and sent our first payment.  Goodbye to any hesitancy and onward with boldness.

The paper chase will start once we get a list from our facilitator and we have a tentative meeting set up with a home study provider on Monday.  I will let you know how the meeting goes.  Hopefully by Monday we will decide to go with the provider we are meeting with and we will start our home study as well.

There are thousands of miles ahead of us, for now my belly is aflutter with excitement and hope! To the next steps! May we appreciate the journey as we look  forward to the reward at the end.

~M